fearUnless rooted and grounded in love, (not just a spiritually deficient, lust-confused physical notion of love, but love that is the selfless, exponential sharing of ones humanity; love which extends vertically and expresses laterally; love which has no tense, neither past, present nor future but is unconditional in every aspect of its existence), unless anchored in this understanding of love, even the height of sincerity rarely prepares us to cope with and eventually resolve the things that lie waiting to be unearthed just beneath the surface of our conscious existence. Those things which, consequently, are the irrevocable reasons for and the ultimate causes of our need to don our “mask”, yet are barely perceptible and can only be exposed by embarking on a journey of self discovery, those longed to be realized things which have submerged our true selves.
Such was the mindset that provided the impetus for my personal journey. Here are some recent results from my ongoing explorations: Memories of past experiences that undoubtedly shaped my psyche’ are becoming clearer with each day’s subterranean probing, revealing with overwhelming implication how all of my decisions and every choice settled upon, were the direct result of impressions made by everything that ever happened to me. All the potent words I ever read or ever heard, all the touches I ever felt or didn’t feel (because they were denied me), all the unkindness my young spirit endured, all the devaluing, undeserved retorts, jeers, jibes, taunts and criticisms ,every omission of much deserved, empowering kindness, applause and affirmations that were my birthright simply by virtue of my humanness and my entitlement as a citizen of the planet, all of this, for better or for worse, impacted my emotional and psychological development and consequently, my self image and my behavior.
I have a vivid memory from a time years ago of being on a hike in a wonderful old woods just outside Cuyahoga Fall, Ohio. These woods were near the beautiful lush green rolling hills I use to roam on horseback every summer in my teen years while vacationing on a family farm. This one day in particular, a group of friends and I were seeking out old trails in the woods we had never explored when suddenly the trail we were on ended in a steep overhanging rock face with a 10 to 12 ft drop to the resumption of the trail. The guys in the lead decided to do the 'macho' thing and make the jump rather than go all the way back to a juncture. They landed safely with no broken bones and none the worse for wear...not so with the girl that followed behind them...in addition to some minor head injuries, she broke her leg in three places...owwww...that was enough to turn the rest of our group around for the long hike back for help. I've never forgotten standing at the top of that cliff, impervious to the goading, trying to decide whether to jump or not...she, on the other hand, having grown impatient with the time I was taking to make a decision, pushed ahead of me and leapt into the air garnering cheers from the boys on the ground below. I've never been exactly comfortable with my indecisiveness not being sure whether it was wisdom or fear that accounted for it and ever since I’ve sorely hated the notion of being perceived as afraid (this was a twofold self-indictment because I didn’t want to appear to be a coward to my friends and I couldn’t reconcile within myself being unwilling to take a leap of faith). I've often thought that maybe she made the most worthwhile decision...perhaps her willingness to risk life and limb was worth what she gained in self respect...after all, broken bones do heal...the wounded psyche', well, I’m not so sure.
The moral of this story is: Until issues are resolved, we’re usually left mired in a maze of worthless, illogical, unproductive regret, developmentally hampered spiritually, psychologically and emotionally.
lovespirit
